One thing that I think all of my clients have found as they navigate their divorce as an expat mother is how isolating the experience can feel. This is even felt by those who have people around them, because very few people actually understand the situation you’re in.

For anyone who hasn’t lived through this, it just seems like a separation like any other. But the reality of divorce as an expat mother sits underneath all of that in a way that isn’t always visible or easy to explain.

There are layers to it that don’t come up in most conversations. The legal complexities, the practical limitations, the feeling of being tied to a place that may not feel like home in the way you once expected. These aren’t things that easily fit into a casual conversation and are probably quite hard to comprehend for someone who is happily living their life in the country you are hoping to one day escape from.

Combine this with the well-intentioned, although massively missing the spot advice, many of the women I work with say they find themselves filtering what they share because it doesn’t feel worth their energy to discuss it with someone who won’t be able to understand. Over time, this can create a kind of quiet distance between you and the people around you when you don’t feel comfortable to openly share what you are experiencing.

There is also the reality that not everyone feels like a safe person to talk to, especially for the mothers who are navigating family court. In situations where there are ongoing legal or practical considerations, it feels important to be careful about what you say and who you say it to. The mothers I work with say this can lead to holding more in, even when they would otherwise reach out.

What I see in my work with expat mothers navigating divorce is that this kind of isolation is not always obvious. It builds gradually. It can show up as feeling slightly misunderstood in conversations, that what you are navigating is too heavy for others to be comfortable with or as a sense that you are carrying more than you are able to share. Over time these mothers take more care with what they share, holding things in and slowly retreating into themselves. They may still have people around them, but feel as though they are processing much of it on their own.

At the same time, what I always see with these mothers is they are always continuing to show up for their children as their first priority. They are managing routines, emotions, responsibilities, all while holding this internal experience that doesn’t have much space elsewhere. This is a lot for anyone to carry, particularly over a sustained period of time.

For an expat mother going through divorce, this isolation is not a reflection of how supported you are in a general sense. It is often a reflection of how specific and complex your situation is. When experiences fall outside of what most people are familiar with, it can be harder to feel fully seen within them.

What tends to help is having the right kind of support. Spaces where you don’t need to simplify or translate what you are going through. Where the nuances are understood without needing to explain the details.

Even small shifts in that direction can make a difference. Feeling able to speak more openly or being met with understanding rather than confusion, can reduce that sense of carrying everything alone.

And from there, things can begin to feel slightly less heavy, know that you are no longer holding it entirely on your own.